So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.