I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
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He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.