All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
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Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
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just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed