I think im going to throw up on grandma
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.