So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
