If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
