she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
you never un-have a 4some
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
