babies were throwing up all over the place
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
