i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
