Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
