I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
