I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
