literally had 100 drinks last night.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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