This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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