I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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