Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
