the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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