How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.