I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him