I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
