my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Houston, we have a squirter
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
