it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
