i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
