His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
