There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
