Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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