Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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