I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
