He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
