it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Are we still banned from the library?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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