i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
