I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
