Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
