The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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