so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
