he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
