so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
