If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
