I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
