I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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