Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
