We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
