You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
this will be a night to untag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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