You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
