Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
