I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
