while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
