you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
