I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
