I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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