I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
