After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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