Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
