woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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