Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
