walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
