the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize