My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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