Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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