Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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