I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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