You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
