if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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