Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
