she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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