do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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