i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
