i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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