He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
