Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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