You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
