If i could tip my vagina, i would.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
