Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
