Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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