My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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