he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
