Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize