you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize