Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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