Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I use my feet as sexual weapons
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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