Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
