i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
