I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
