any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
